Changes of a New Order
by LiaraSeven
Summary: Shep and her crew discover new information concerning the reaper invasion. They have to venture outside of our galaxy to the darkness beyond. Combining both second and third year crews, they set out to destroy, but Shep's mind unravels leading to disaterous consequences. Liara/Femshep. Please review. :) Rated M for future content.
1. Wars of Time

Prologue, the History of Shepard

No one knew her by her first name, no one, and she wanted it to stay like that. She even asked her parents to call her Shepard; only one other person ever knew her first name… and that wound was still raw to her. She was a strong woman, dependable; arguably her only flaw was her inability to share. She did not like to talk about herself or her past, no matter how much her emotions were slowly destroying her mind. Serving on the Normandy had been a lifesaver for her. After the previous mission had ended in disaster, she was a broken shell of a person, so when she got the order to serve under Admiral Anderson as his XO, she jumped at the chance, a new lease on life.

No one other than her commanding officer would ever know of the disaster that plagued her every thought and dream. She had a chance, to start afresh, a new life, and new friends. Lieutenant Commander Shepard (as she was known before her promotion aboard the Normandy), was however, well known, some would say "famous" for her heroic actions during the Skyllian Blitz. She thanked the stars every day that her downfall was not then, not a battle which she could not escape from, with daily mention about her heroism. No, Shepard had one other mission following that, classified and need to know. Only the very highest members of the human embassy, Earth's council and the allied council of the Citadel knew. She could never think of that without tears springing up, and she could not swallow, her throat being blocked by an imaginary force. She had lost part of herself that day, arguably the best part. So much loss was incredibly traumatic to the then 24 year old, even though she was no stranger to loss by that point. A week before Shepard turned 16, her father died.

After her dad passed away, her mom Hanna, decided to take a year's sabbatical. She headed out into the galaxy, leaving a young 16 year old Shepard to make the toughest decision of her life, join the alliance military, or progress onto university. Shep really knew the answer; she wasn't particularly studious, though she was incredibly smart; the Alliance was the best thing for her. Though it would be life-changing to serve on a ship as her parents had done, doing whatever she was told. Anyone whom had met the young Shepard growing up would attest to the fact that she was terrible at following orders.

This decision was not to be made alone, Shepard's close friend, Serena Valikarsi, was also considering her career options. The two of them were intelligent, Shepard was far beyond her years, so had been offered an early acceptance to University or the Alliance military; or rather, a choice to pursue an early career. Though if they chose to accept, it was to be kept quiet as the media would have a field day with 16 year olds serving in the military. The decision of a lifetime, in the hands of two young women, girls really; without an older guiding hand, it was always going to be reckless, no matter what they chose. This was their careers, their lives to be dictated by one simple choice.

As both girls were spacers, being on a ship was second nature to them, and they never stayed in one place for too long. They were no stranger to their parents being off on missions, for days, weeks and even months at a time. The Alliance was a great establishment, great career; once you joined, it was family and all kids born during serving, were looked after by al the crew, they were never short of love and discipline. Shep was born and raised for the majority of the time, on the SSV Cannas with her mother Hanna Shepard. Her father moved from one place to another, constantly requested for missions.

Serena Valikari was 2 years Shepard's elder, growing up a spacer, she met Shep when the younger woman was just 8 years of age, making her 10. Serena and her sisters Anya (13), Miko (12) and Kira (5), were Alliance orphans, affectionately known as space rats. They, along with their parents, were originally situated on the warship SSV Deino; which did have some families, though any children on board were kept in check, and were there at risk to the parents. They were transported to the SSV Cannas when the devastating news of her parents' death reached the command centre of the Deino. That ship was certainly no was no place for orphans; it was fortunate that they reached the Alliance docking bay of the Citadel at the time which the exploration vessel, SSV Cannas was in dry dock. The Deino was preparing to deliver the girls to Earth, a sufficiently large dent in their time; that they preferred to pass them off to a more suitable ship for space rats.

After her father died, Shep lost her mother to grief, watched it eat away at the once lively woman. So when Hanna Shepard was offered a year of exploration, with a close friend of the family, Shep begged her mother to take it. Excited that one day, she may again see the woman she used to know. Hanna was concerned about leaving her 16 year old alone in their small Citadel apartment, especially when she had such a big decision looming; she was finally swayed by Serena's promise, to keep Shepard safe. Both women knew instantly what they were going to do; be part of something greater than the two of them could ever be; to join the Alliance.

**MASS EFFECT MASS EFFECT MASS EFFECT**

Normandy 2186 – Shep Commands the Normandy and is no longer serving under Anderson.

Shep felt a rush of heat rising from her stomach and collecting in her chest; a soft tingling as if her body was being manipulated, triggered by a biotic field. She took a deep breath and swallowed, hoping that would cool the heat. Her heart raced blood around her body; adrenaline seemed to surge from every pore, every fibre of her being. She was confused at the physiological sensations that were positively tormenting her body. What was the cause? Now Shep was not unintelligent, she had an adept knowledge of human physiology and even the anatomy of other species. But she could not for the life of her, discern the feelings and vibrations firing from every nerve. The redhead raised her head, snapping out of her personal world as her eyes instinctively stumbled upon her friend, meeting the chocolate brown eyes of the other woman, her blonde hair flicking around her face. Serena met Shep's deep blue eyes, her warmth sent across an invisible line to Shep. That smile…

Shepard awoke in a cold sweat, her eyes watering in pain, lashes sticking her lids together. Prising them apart, she slowly swung herself round over the edge of the bunk. Rubbing her face she stood up and headed to her bathroom compartment. Looking in the mirror, the red-head was shocked to see how old she looked, the terror etched in the lines across her face.

_God… _Shep thought, realising that she needed to freshen up, _I have a shift in the command centre in half an hour._ She stripped out of her regulation sleepwear and stepped under the hot relief, spewing out of the faucet in her shower cubicle. Mentally piecing back the walls in which her memories were sealed, she quickly washed her hair, paying particular attention to her face, as paranoia screamed that her crewmates would be able to read her like an open book.

Jumping out of the shower, Shepard glanced at the time, _Crap,_ she thought as she saw she only had ten minutes to get dressed and run to her station at the other end of the ship, "I'm going to be late" she muttered angrily, a flash of irritation searing through her body as she rushed out of the bathroom.

She reached the command centre a few minutes late, but the perks of being Commander of the Normandy meant no repercussions for the small indiscretion, she found that her team of fighters and squad-mates, along with her helmsman Joker were all waiting for her to begin the briefing, none noticing signs of the night-terrors, which Shepard was so worried about.

She cleared her throat, signalling for the others to stop chatting and to pay attention to what she was about to say. They all turned to face her, listening intently. Shep glanced around at her diverse crew, not many were like them in the galaxy as most species tended to stick to their own.

"We've been asked by the Alliance Generals to head a covert mission deep into reaper controlled territory. I know I don't need to say this, but it is classified and strictly need to know." Shep pronounced to her squad.

She took a deep breath, hating what she was about to announce, knowing full-well the reactions that it could elicit from the room. "The mission…" she hesitated, the words getting caught in her mouth, "Has a direct link to a case that occurred 6 years ago." Her voice quavered, as she tried hard to maintain objectivity, to stop the mental walls from crashing down. Gulping, she continued, "And like this one… it… It was also classified. It involved a select few of alliance soldiers." She glanced at Joker, the only one in the room other than herself, who knew the actions of that day, he nodded encouragingly, as if letting her know it was okay to continue.

"Joker and I, were aboard that mission."

She looked around the large room, at the wide-eyed looks of her friends. It was clear to Shep what their thoughts were, as they all glanced around enthralled at the information they had just received, muttering comments under their breath to one another.

Shepard raised her hand for silence, "That mission was one of the biggest defeats the Alliance suffered since the Blitz, we had numerous casualties, an existential amount of bodies."

Joker cut in, "It was like dinner theatre, to coin an old Earth phrase," a bemused look on his face, typical Joker behaviour, "Shame I packed my lunch in the other shuttle."

Shep raised her eyebrows at him; he always did know how to lighten a situation. But her smile vanished as quickly as it had appeared as she remembered why they were there.

"We didn't make the connection back then, but it was a warning." She quickly blinked back tears and tensed her muscles, wanting desperately to stop the shaking, "A warning, of what we know now. The godlike power the reapers hold and their history of destruction."

She stumbled over her words, her body beginning to shake. _God get a hold of yourself, _she mentally scolded. But she knew that it was going to be difficult, nigh impossible to articulate what she was about to say, that the mission, involved her. She tried again and again to make her lips form the words, her vocal cords to generate a sound, but she couldn't. This was too much for her, too much for the Alliance to ask, knowing full well the loss she suffered.

"Look, I don't like it either" Shepard declared assertively, "But it seems we don't have a choice, the Council support this mission, so we go."

Shep knew it was a lot to ask of her crew, but like her, they didn't have much of a choice. She felt a psychic "pull" at her eyes, mentally asking her to turn her head, look. Her face flushed and she felt a familiar heat rising from her stomach; she felt a heat, a presence to her right. She turned her head; her heart skipped a beat as her eyes honed in on the Asari, Dr Liara T'Soni.

Shepard wanted to run then, the feelings bringing a rapid flash of imagery, memories from Estana, horrifying pictures. And without warning, she felt herself flashback, relive it all.

"_Fall back, fall back now!" She screamed, "There's too many, we're overwhelmed!" Everything slowed to quarter speed, surroundings muted; all Shepard could hear was a slow, steady beating heart. The creatures were pressing forward, their power unimaginable. She turned, rifle in hand and met the eyes of Serena. Her blonde hair falling out of the bun, messily stuck to her forehead amidst the sweat and dirt. Her dark eyes full of fear…_

"Erm, Commander?" Joker piped up, snapping her out of the cycle.

"Crew dismissed!" She announced loudly, "You will find access to the full debrief on your private message terminals."

And with that note, she hastily made her way out of the command centre, and as soon as she was out of the sight of worried eyes, she ran. Eyes now stinging with salty tears, muscles violently shaking her whole body, she tried to desperately stop the flashes as she ran. It became more and more impossible to stop the flooding, the white hot pain searing through her nervous system as the memories forced themselves through her barriers.

"No…" Shepard cried as she caught the elevator up to her cabin. "Please, not now, no…"

Sliding down the elevator walls, she sat on the floor, hands to her temple, attempting to control what was happening to her. The elevator dinged as it reached her cabin; she crawled out and clumsily input her door code, slowly losing consciousness on the other side. The memories… those terrible images ran through her mind with no restraint, no breaks. Shep was forced to relive the horror surrounding that day.

"_Fall back, fall back now!" She screamed, "There's too many, we're overwhelmed!" Everything slowed to quarter speed, surroundings muted; all Shepard could hear was a slow, steady beating heart. The creatures were pressing forward, their power unimaginable. She turned, rifle in hand and met the eyes of Serena. Her blonde hair falling out of the bun, messily stuck to her forehead amidst the sweat and dirt. Her dark eyes full of fear, her pistol in hand, firing rapidly as she edged back to the safety of the shuttle. All around them their fellow soldiers, friends, collapsed to the dirty soil, dead. Serena reached her hand towards Shep, knowing that there was a high probability they wouldn't make it. Seeing the large creature barrel towards them using only its brute force as an attack, the women ran backwards, firing at will, failing to see the grenade that had just been thrown at them. The seconds counted down, ten… nine… eight… Serena turned to Shepard, a soft smile playing on her lips, six… five… four… Serena slipped in the pool of blood behind her, losing contact with Shep, three… Shepard looked on in horror, racing back to Serena, two… Their eyes met, one…_


	2. Dreams of a Past

Doctor T'Soni

Dr. Liara T'Soni wasn't a soldier or a commando, far from it; the young Asari had rebelled against her seniors and her mother and preferred the solitude of archaeology. So it was unnerving that she was to be considered as one of the galaxy's top fighters. Yes, she had fought against the shadow broker, Saren, the Geth and even indirectly, the collectors. But she still did not consider herself to be in any means skilled at the tasks now thrust upon her.

She leant over the terminal, reading the events that transpired for Ethana. She drew a quick intake a breath at the knowledge of what the Council had known. The enemies that Shepard had fought that day were reaper servants, similar in looks to the ones they saw now, but they seemed like imitations, plastic versions of today's forces. She noted that Ethana, was not the place the battle transpired, no that was somewhere in the traverse. Ethana was, from what she could make out, a doctrine, an explanation for how far the reapers had spiralled out of control since their creation by Leviathan. They had become part of another world, one which did not exist within the borders of their galaxy, but in the space beyond it.

Liara was concerned by the information, and the mission ahead. It was unheard of for anyone to travel outside of the boundaries of the galaxy as laid out by the mass relays. And the subject was taboo; children shushed if the questions arose. Because it was impossible to go beyond the borders of their space, wasn't it? Did the mass relays stop like they had been told; fed information like children being fed a meal.

Apparently not, according to the data, Spectres had in years past, gone beyond the borders of known space, travelled beyond the realms of the mass relays. Impulse was no longer an option in deep space, as one had to travel great distances with speed. The mass effect cores of the ships used in the experimental missions were modified greatly, and were something called warp cores. Liara frowned, entirely puzzled by this new data.

How had the council, and indeed the spectres, been able to keep this as quiet as they had? Even the shadow broker (previous one, and indeed, herself) had not known anything about this, not even a little bit of information had crossed into that territory. Liara discerned that the discoveries were far too damaging to their galaxy, too dangerous to be leaked out. This however, worried her all the more, knowing they too, would be going far beyond known space.

She carried on reading, becoming more anxious as new things came to light. Then she came across an additional note in the data: _Lieutenant Commander Shepard was critically injured in this assignment. She and three others were recovered from the battlefield as were showing faint life-signs. Lieutenant Serena Valikari, Engineering Chief Jai Erebus and 2nd Lieutenant Erla Maine, were taken to Huerta Memorial on the Citadel to receive lifesaving operations and procedures, after it was deemed their service vessel was not equipped with the necessary equipment. Out of all four, Shepard was the only survivor. She recovered well physically, but her psychological trauma had Alliance command doubting her ability to return to service. She lost family on Ethana. _

The brief did not give Liara any indication of the relationships Shepard has with the numerous casualties, but she could imagine they were strong to elicit such a reaction from the usually level-headed Commander. She understood now why Shepard seemed so rattled, why she was shaking as if she'd drunk too much coffee. This was clearly a wound that had never healed.

She and Shepard had a connection; it was almost as if they were soul mates, meant to be. But no matter how hard Liara had tried, she could not get past the walls that prevented Shep from truly connecting, not only with others, but herself as well. Liara was patient, she was young but she could somewhat understand why Shepard was so reserved. The young Asari had never been in an emotional bond with anyone, making her cautious of any flickering of feelings for another.

She and Shepard had a strange relationship, if you could call it that. Their barriers' fell for each other in moments of extreme stress or relief; usually before or after a major life-changing mission. This confused the doctor, as in metal age, she would be seen as 18/19, nowhere near her physical age of 109. So she was new to the ideals of a serious relationship, and was constantly questioning what there was between them. She saw relationships as a lifetime thing, once they had bonded 3 years ago; she knew she would always stay by Shepard. And that was the one thing she did know, she was Shepard's, heart body and soul.

In the throes of passion, the love between them could not be faked, the passion, buzzing emotions racing through their nervous systems… the only time when the fog cleared, was when she was close to Shepard, the woman she was in love with. And though she mourned her for two years before Shep's resurrection, she found she could never let go, never stop loving the red-head who had captured her blue beating heart; though the love was fraught with confusion and pain every time her love rejected her. She loved Shepard unconditionally, and part of her always would do; Shepard was hers.

She blinked back tears, her blue eyes darkening as she thought of Shepard. Liara could feel her pain, see it in her manner, she knew that even if the woman rejected her, she really needed her right now. The thought made her stomach buzz, her body tingling with biotic power, nerves. _Right, _she thought decisively, _procrastinating won't help._

Liara took a deep breath as she switched off the terminal in the room she now shared with Miranda Lawson (due to shortage of rooms), and headed out of the door, still in her usual work attire from the meeting. Her whole body was radiating with curious sensations, as if someone was constantly electrifying her with a biotic field.

The crew got out of her way, sensing her determination and power. Liara's eyes had darkened, and her skin glowed blue with biotics as she marched to the elevator; inputting the code for Shep's floor, she felt her heart flip in her chest. The doors slid shut promptly, and rose from floor three where she was situated, to floor one. It was as if time had slowed for the doctor as she heard the resounding 'ding' of the elevator as the doors opened, seemingly at half speed.

Liara hesitated outside the large round doors to Shep's cabin; the sound of her heartbeat breaking the silence, in harmony with her rapid breathing. _Come on_, she thought, _Shepard needs you, nothing bad will happen…_ "Then why do I feel so nervous?" She muttered out loud in response to the thoughts rushing around her mind.

She slowed to an eighth of normal speed as she lifted her omni-tool to input Shep's password – one, four, seven, zero… The door clicked, unlocking, ready to slide open…

Shepard

Shepard had managed to drag herself to the couch, though she had no idea how, she felt like her bones were made of lead. Her skin was slick with moisture, the sweat sticking her hair to her forehead; her breathing was very rapid and her heart beat was irregular. Ocean eyes fluttered and rolled as Shep rolled in and out of consciousness, her memories flashing. PTSD had been affecting the red-head for years, but she denied it and refused help.

She was lucid for a moment, but she could feel the energy rising, bringing with it, intense burning pain and flashes of footage swarming her ocular nerves.

"Serena…" she muttered as the image of the enigmatic woman flooded her brain.

_The musical laugh filled the air as Shepard tripped over the slight rise in the pathway. "Well glad you find this funny!" Shepard retorted indignantly. Serena gave her a nudge, "Oh come on grumpy girlie!"_

_Shep turned to Serena, and raised an eyebrow as she saw the amused look on the blonde's face, trying her hardest not to laugh…Suddenly it burst free of her lips, sounding loudly. _

"_See? You grump! It was funny; you've got to admit it." Serena giggled, giving Shep another affectionate nudge. _

_Serena laughed again, a radiant smile lighting up her beautiful face; her chocolate eyes emanating compassion. Shepard could not help but smile too, there was something about Serena that lit up a room; she could brighten a room with her smile. "What?" Serena said, noticing Shep's eyes upon her, "Shepard? Have I got something on my face?"_

_Shep realised she was gawping and quickly retorted, "Hmmm, now there does seem to be something there!" She finished, smirking, knowing the blonde would fall for it._

"_Are you serious Shep? What~? Where is it?" Serena replied, frantically searching for whatever was on her face._

_Shepard burst out laughing, unable to contain herself at the sight in front of her. Serena, stopped, her hand frozen on her face, "There's nothing is there?"_

_The red-head shook her head, tears in her eyes and still laughing, "Nope."_

"_Why you little…" Serena responded in mock anger, "I'm gonna get you for that."_

_Shepard's blue eyes widened and her whole face lit up, as she daringly moved closer to Serena. Edging slowly, daring her to retaliate. Closer and closer until there was only an inch worth of space between them…_

Shepard knew from experience that the happy memories never stayed, they were always replaced, every time, by the horrors of Ethana. And they would change within a blink of an eye; as is she had prophesised it, the memory drastically altered its shape, Serena blurring out of sight and turning into cloud. Replaced by the memory that was always on repeat…

"_Fall back, fall back now!" She screamed, "There's too many, we're overwhelmed!" Everything slowed to quarter speed, surroundings muted; all Shepard could hear was a slow, steady beating heart. The creatures were pressing forward, their power unimaginable. She turned, rifle in hand and met the eyes of Serena. Her blonde hair falling out of the bun, messily stuck to her forehead amidst the sweat and dirt. Her dark eyes full of fear, her pistol in hand, firing rapidly as she edged back to the safety of the shuttle. All around them their fellow soldiers, friends, collapsed to the dirty soil, dead. Serena reached her hand towards Shep, knowing that there was a high probability they wouldn't make it. Seeing the large creature barrel towards them using only its brute force as an attack, the women ran backwards, firing at will, failing to see the grenade that had just been thrown at them. The seconds counted down, ten… nine… eight… Serena turned to Shepard, a soft smile playing on her lips, six… five… four… Serena slipped in the pool of blood behind her, losing contact with Shep, three… Shepard looked on in horror, racing back to Serena, two… Their eyes met, one…_

Shepard blinked, her cabin returning into view as if from a dream. She needed her medication, the one bit of help she could not refuse (condition of returning back to service), but she could not reach it, her body weighing ten times its usual. _Oh fantastic…_ she thought, too tired to articulate her words in the air, _just perfect timing…_

If she had just a speck of energy, Shepard would be heard grumbling about this inconvenience a mile away. As it was, her frustrations had to remain internal, as her logical mind rifled for a possible way of achieving this. _Oh for flip's sake! _She thought irritated by the inconvenience of her PTSD episode (that was the only way to describe it).

She tried once more, stretching her arm as far as she could, her fingers brushing the edge of the bottle, it fell with a thud. Shepard groaned with frustration.

_Oh screw it!_

_Maybe if I…No… That wouldn't work… Ah… No… Now that's idiotic_

In the silence, she could hear the elevator doors opening, _oh great… _she thought, _how on earth do I explain this?_

Shep's eyes widened as a new thought came into her head, _what if it's not Liara? No one else knows my door code… They'll get Dr Chakwas… Oh God…_ The thought of everyone knowing her problem was a far bigger fear than the young Asari seeing her so vulnerable; though she would not have it either way.

The familiar sound of the circular door as it opened reverberated off the walls of the cabin. Footsteps soon followed, and Shep had no doubt who it could be. "Shepard?" The thought was answered by Liara's soft voice. "Oh goddess, Shepard!"

Liara

Liara was glad she'd followed her instinct to go and see how Shepard was. She now idiotic for not noticing how Shepard had reacted in the meeting and gone after her sooner. Her eyes widened as she focussed fully on the scene laid out before her. Her deep blue eyes scanned the room, searching for something, anything that may help the red-head to come around, come out of the… what she could only assume to be a focal seizure of some sort. Her eyes finally caught sight of the pill bottle on the table. It was on its side so she could only assume Shepard had attempted to grab it, but being as weak as she was, must've failed. Liara bent down slowly and picked up the pill bottle, glancing at the label, she crouched down in front of Shepard. "Shepard? I need to read the label to figure out the dosage."

Shep grumbled in what Liara could only ascertain as irritation, she read the label. _Commander Shepard, 150mg Seratox, 2 tablets when required. _She frowned slightly; Seratox must be a brand name for something, though she was unsure what. Racing to the bathroom, she ran the cold water tap and half-filled the small glass by the sink. When she returned, she gently placed the pills in Shepard's mouth, following slowly with a glass of water to wash them down. She watched as Shep swallowed, then she saw the woman gesture slightly with her hand, asking the Asari to sit next to her.

Liara's heart flipped, even though she realised this may be due to how Shepard was feeling at that moment as opposed to a romantic gesture. Nevertheless, Liara's nerves played a tune with her nervous system. She stood up and moved to the couch, but as she sat down, Shep wriggled closer. Liara felt a wave of love rush through her and smiled quietly to herself; she would always love Shepard, and would be there when she was ready. The tired red head slowly lay her head onto Liara's chest, casually draping an arm across her, "Mmmm, this is nice." She replied sleepily, "We should do this more often."

Shepard slowly raised her head and looked into Liara's mesmerizing gaze, "I love you, Liara. You know that right?" She whispered before resting her head back down. After which she drifted quickly off to sleep.

Liara knew she would always feel a biotic buzz whenever Shepard spoke to her affectionately or touched her; and this, Liara realised was just a part of being in love.

"Commander?" Joker's voice sparked through the comm making Liara jump, almost unsettling Shepard.

She gave Shepard a nudge, and found her too exhausted to attempt to wake. Sighing, she opened a channel on her omni-tool, "Joker, its Liara, the Commander is indisposed currently, is there anything I can help you with?" She responded confidently, knowing that as Shepards XO and second in command that Joker would have to take her at her word.

She could hear Joker grumbling something unintelligible over the comm before replying, "I need you on the bridge, we've got a situation."


End file.
